she said ……….. let me give myself to him as the woman I know I am. He is a strong and solid man, a good soul……… enterprising and ambitious,………… a handsome man. He works hard like a punished mule. I will take care of him, and bear his children, because I am a floater, a dreamer……. a uterus for hire, a drudge, a trollop, a caretaker ……….. I am my brother’s keeper and I am known for holdin’ it all together, even when the rains come, and the sun disappears for so long that we forget the color of the light and remember only the naked times, when spread out in the meadows of our youth we gamboled in time, without curtailment, in moments jammed with conjurers and marionettes that packed the travelling circus of our imaginations, …………. trippin’ and rippin’ through the thin walls of deceit, …….. keepin’ pieces of the fever in that separated us from God and intimacy and love and joy and hope.

the fool stood still garbed in the vestiges of some dark dreamlike trance called memory as a night bird quiet and secretive whirred its way through flight into a disappearing future black with a silence that bode no invitation for moonlight or the distant dawn. Wet streaks from rain mixed with tears dribbled and eaked out their meagre existence as they worked their way through the parchment of her face turned down now in regret, low and broken like a beaten bitch cringing in her wounds as time, impervious to the tragedy that pled for sustenaince moved on leaving nothing in its wake but emptiness and silence

and sadness

permeating everything her shadow fell upon, where, if light had ever dwelt there, saved nothing for the human eye to proof from and establish any thought of what it could have been to watch a white sun float across the small horizon line that girded her like some metal corset of the soul.

he took her away from herself that day, as his own departure into phantasy led him to the center of a passion only men could bear, a squeezing in the sinews of desire that shot through all his concentrated flesh tight and wrapped around the bone and down into his bowels and into the primordial nether lands of territories known only to the free where nothing fit for any language known or ever known could possibly attest to what was felt through shudders tremulously exposing all he ever hid from in his need to keep himself unreachable and distant inside the secrets he believed were his alone

and

she went back to the source of it many times with its indifferent vacancy bathed in a washed out magenta that flashed intermittently ……… seeking only permanence inside her eyes, while repeating, that, which had beguiled her from the start ……. a fleeting sense of God being faithful to his word, and angels in the parking lot bestowing their grace upon her from another neon heaven, offering her forgiveness, and hearkening back to all the promises that once had lived upon his lips ………… he ……….. who having passed on through left only his drifter’s language on the surface of her love, like drool slatherd from some evil traveler’s mouth on a pit stop from Hell and back, that left behind it in its wake only the remnants of her ransacked heart

It was within the evolution of her pain, the insufferable realization that her psychology still held her hostage in the past and in the future…………… trapped in some pin balled jazzed out puzzling bagatelle of mind that kept assembling itself in the citadels of thought buried deep inside her final archeological dig , the one that led her back into the right and wrong extravaganza of a life laid bare on the soul making desert of that last moment of belief that had the sermons falling from my mouth be true for all that ever bedded down with words like whores sucking life from eager misconceptions hurtling down the psychic highway into oblivion’s hungry mouth poised on the brink of some niggarldy expression lying on the lips of God the Mother of it all .

there is something very bloated , something very overrated about an answer, it feeds upon itself nurturing on an arrogance that interimly carves its meaning of existence upon my face as a check mark for eternity boasting of another moment gone , a moment that might have been and coulda been The Big One’s new proposal for the child up on the cross still jiggling in the memories of every smug important traveler that journeyed to the east and back again to worship at the sepulchure of stolen dreams down by the gatherings of skin bags for God’s resounding come back in the narrow halls of faith force fed to the castaways enamored by the hue and cry of pimps for Jesus basking in the light of stained glass windows bespoiling cassocks that still reverberate the infant’s final cry on the altar of dominion ………… the altar of deceit .

where are you motherfukker ? ……. decked out now in your slick profession called ” your life “……….. Hey big spender ………hey Konvoy Kommander ………… hey you self appointed Phat Kats decked out like heavenly bodies in the kandy striped streets of your suburban hideaways consorting with your high powered high paid uteri called imagination that jockeys for position inside the breeding stalls you hump your meaning of existence from into the night’s sky filled with the slandered moon helpless in its artless vision to illuminate your soul and pave the way for romance in your fucked up kraven need for more .

I was seeking justice now inside the cold indifference of surrender as the sound of tinkling brass usurped my woman’s cry for help and climbed eternity into the arms of angels waiting at heaven’s gate with dust upon their wings . The ice cold razor sharp insidious edge of nothing sought excision of the lust within my prayer as Satan dark and erudite slid across my tongue like a miasma of evil inviting me to dine at his table laden big with new hope shipped in from sodom .

but I was mixing oil and water again in the woodshed days of yore , and I was down on my knees bending like a reed as The Man with all this Blow sidled into the au contraire mix of my new take on time with a stunning obligatto that nailed my feet to yesterday and forced me into the Genesis of new time arranged by Now .

so let’s stretch let’s play , let’s get down with Civilizzzzation …….. let’s stop and have a taste let’s be elegant and smug and comfortable in our little lawn chairs with styrofoam and haute cuisine stinkin’ up the hood by the big built pagan blown out edifice we call our Kapitalistic dream come true as , I , still dancing in my woman’s final sob deliver myself from evil into the arms of Love while the echo of the system’s last report establishes itself across the incredulous sky ………….. “We are an Empire now , and when We act , We create our own reality.” And dat’s dat ma friend ……. yeah ! ……… dat’s dat , and the truth shall set you free , set you free , set you free …………………. SET YOU FREE .

so ! ……….. it’s all in the beatitudes , clean clear and simple for the Blessed poor in spirit as the mail order brides from Darfur with their scrawny children hangin’ like locusts from their breasts sell their cunts for hits of Big Mac in the Finger lickin’ good extravaganza called democraseee eeeee….eeeee…………. as tourists in the rape resorts defile in exile with the pediophile the children of the world fleeing across Brazilian streets into the raggedy population growth that feeds the ongoing hunt for more in all the darkened hallways of religion as The Big One offers Love For Sale again . Yo more Love For Sale ……… come an’ get it ………. LOVE FOR SALE .

YEAH ! ……….. christian , white bread , all american Love For Sale …………. y’all cum’n git it now . Bang Bang motherfucker..
LOVE FOR SALE

dark woman of the night
a tumbling frost in the wind
in darkness
tight as
the sky’s embrace
you tremble like a dying moth
cupped in my infant hands

dancing on my mind’s lake
you still sing
in
all the slave drawn streets
of all
my yesterdays

I said ” kill her “
there is nothing left to salvage
and she stared back
from
inside that small frame
with eyes soft as
eider down
trying once more to move
beyond
her confinement
into
my broken heart

the remains
bloated and
gurgling
moaning at times
reached beyond belief
as death
slowly
ate her from the inside out
training it’s sights on me
in a fuck you and your GOD moment of ……… I WON
I WON , I WON

grief !
I am your indentured servant
I am hard , hot , lean ,
unrepentent
in the question of
who …….. yes , who
was looking through your eyes that day ?
as my hand reaching for
an answer
held you
in disgust and fear
as the drip by drip account
quietly did it’s thing
salving the pain
in a death by numbers dirge.

and so it was
within this room
and
somewhere deep inside your
mist invaded eyes the show continued
as the spinning of
a new tale
floated high
above
your swollen face
while I
stumbling through the parking lot
too late for death
asked the toll booth keeper …………
” how can you tell me about the duck l’orange when all you’ve done is eat the menu ?

my mother smiled back from her final curtain call
her teeth
white and polished in
the distillation
of another spotlight
captured
only
the essential aspects of
the moment
that
though
unresolved
remained alive inside the
five star headlines
screaming their message
through the night

I was working in a house divided
anticipating
the usual resistence
until
the light
borrowed
from the moon
reflected off
the victims’ eyes
busting their creative chops
and
grinding their frugal histories
back
into the status quo
of the street’s hip collateral
that paved their way home
into
the side walked cracks of world’s revenge

but time was behind me now
as women
opting
for sperm banks
in
the first come
first served credo of the day
infiltrated the
planned parenthood
urban
concentration camps
and
spread their
option giving rhetoric
across the
ashphalt
bhurka free
developements
of weeping angels born again
in the
don’t ever
let ‘em see you cry agreement
of tomorrow
moored
to
the shifting sands of time
and profit margins
and bottom lines
and love for sale

the death toll from the homeland held steady at half a mil per anum while people smiled as cancer ate their neighbors and their aunts and uncles and their cousins and their friends and wives and lovers, feasting as it does ………. with it’s insatiable desire for more , running rampant through the fields of their neurotic psychology in the fleshpot, eating smorgasbord , laid out on their table of humanity , as the “we do it all for you” brigade offered more refreshing pauses in a dazzling , jazzed out , fucked up “c’mon not me mentality ,” clouding the infant’s eye , in the deadliest year so far for the boy who’s family slain in some Demokratic nightmare of religious fervor sat astride his mother rotting in the eastern sun, touting that war was good for Ali Nasir Jabur in that night of might is right and hershey bars to ease the pain of decomposing , as angels stationed all around him in the downbeat gravel of ancient sounding brass , offered passageways to freedom in this kill ‘em just to free ‘em grab all . Rat tat tat , whew ! ….aw shucks there we go again bang bang play dead you motherfucker . Die you commie pinko islamic bhuddist jewfreak nazi christian born again to kill again extravaganza called mankind . Jesus ……… the name was never trademarked and we use the name in vain again , again , again , it’s plain , in this kill game , building smokestacks, building tailpipes building futures for tomorrow in this world built on scientific rigor mortis , rigor mortis , rigor mortis .

But I was no stranger to the blues or to the indifferent forces of the night feeling out the crowded sidelines of the quarter that in it’s eternal climb towards eternity measured the economy of the gig with restless angels crowding the balcony that sagged beneath the weight of their new found armageddon of desire . I was back by popular demand , held custody by the very nature of my craft as the last hot ashes from a dying Lucky struck the hard floor of my intention . The night reverberated in a semi quaver as clusters of ancient sixteenth notes rippled across the faces of the mob agape , beneath, the stage right , stage left dark arena where the dream depleted of it’s rescources waited patiently for another promise of tomorrow .

my licks were smooth and seamless
connecting and disconnecting
as the gig evolved
hot and tempered
on the cold steeled anvil of it’s destiny .

new territory appeared
as the old lines of demarcation
dissolved into the moment gone
while
dominion re-asserted itself again
with ruthless indifference
to
any previous
sound .

the unordained stepped out
seeking
the uninformed in
the lost legions that sought freedom
in
the holy grail
of this
small armageddon

and
I was blown sky high
into
the elegance of the moment
faceless
lost
reasigned to some new frontier
with only the money changers
as sidemen
brushing against me
in
another temple
of
comparative values .

I stepped outside of the glitter
seeing myself again
as the saviour of this new day
in the promethean marketplace
of
supply and demand
as The Big One’s
recent currency
spread itself across my face
leaving
it’s mark of caste
for all to see
as I stepped into my next dance
of
love for sale , love for sale
with a dance card
as full as a terrorist’s back pack
on a crowded train
to
nirvana .

sweet jesus……I know the door is open
the streets
wet with the adhesive wine of blood and sorrow
call me back

this riff
this obligatto
this echo
reverberating
through the promise
of a moment
without thought ,
is offering oblivion
again
in the starlit showrooms
of eternity .
where
I , caught in another tribal ritual
watch
the shock jocks clamor
for attention
as the last train to xanadu
disappears
into
the
down beat headlines of tomorrows greatest hits

am a singin ‘……..yessah ……..am a singin
in this excruciating extravaganza ,
this cat walk
across the may day………may day
streets
of another upscale suburban dream
smouldering
in
the burned out ashes
of
one more
fat cat’s barbecue
stinkin ‘ up
the neighborhood
stinkin ‘ up the sky

but

the light lay flat against the silence
of her face
and
having found it’s place of rest
it held sway
in it’s own conciet ,
fulfilling beauty
while flirting coyly
with
this thing called
LOVE
this thing called
LIFE .
this fetal moment
waiting
for it’s cue
it’s stage right
stage left entre
into
a passing glance
a moment outside of
all those Uncle Tom
agendas
that hold this sturdy
vulgar
show together.

so !
fuck it , I said proudly
let’s just get
a little and forget it all
and
start all over again
and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again …………….. and again

it is morning
the air conditioning
kicks in again .

I moan and cry under the sheets
reminding myself
with those sounds
that
I am an animal too .

the monkey on my back
subversive and quiet ,
responds
to the light ,
and
as I stagger from one startling thought
to another
in the showdown
of a late dawn
I am driven once again
to deny
the wounded beast
and stumble once more
into
the automaticity
of this familiar trip …………..
wondering
as always ……….
what will I settle for today ?

there was this feeding frenzy .

they stood straight up
surrounded by their thoughts

the wildfire
distant and quiet
extended itself towards them ,
illuminating the open maws ,
speaking
through them
the same incantation ,
the same primordial mantra
that had fashioned the world that contained
the past ,
the future ,
and the Now that had no name